i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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