Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
