he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
