My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
