mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
