She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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