I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
