He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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