This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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