You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
