i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
