lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
