So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
