i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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