I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
