Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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