You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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