So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
