There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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