when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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