Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
