OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
