lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
