Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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