what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
