I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
