(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
