I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
