You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
