Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't deserve a penis
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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