oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize