The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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