It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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