Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
