They should really pass out barf bags in church
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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