made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize