so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
