Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
