Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
