Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
