glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
