Just fell off a train. Bad.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
