you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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