so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
