i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
