I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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