i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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