meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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