I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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