apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
