if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
