that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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