i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
