i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
