How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
