she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
