Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
