Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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