my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
