i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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