i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
