youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
