i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
