I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
