My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
