There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
now i know why i became what i already was.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
