Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think i got beer on your cat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize