kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
