im having a threesome with these popsicles
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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