i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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