I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
