Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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